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Jokes about Families
Duck Farmer
There was a duck farmer who had 2 sons, but only enough money to send one to college. So he came up with a fair way to choose who was to get the money. He called both of his sons into a room and gave them each a duck and instructed them to go into the city. The one who made the most off the duck would win the money for college. Well the first child, being the good child he was, scurried off to sell his duck. As he was walking, he saw a lady mowing her lawn. She jumped up from the mower and screamed, "IS THAT A DUCK?!?" It sure is he replied, and its for sale too! She said that she collected ducks and would gladly pay him $10 for that duck, he agreed. Well the other son being the "bad" kid went strait for the whore house. When he got there, a lady started hitting on him. He said he'd love to fuck her but he doesn't have any money, just this duck. She thought about it for awhile and said, well I always did want a pet. So they go in the back and had passionate sex. When they were done, the lady said she didn't want the duck anymore. He said he would gladly take the duck back if he could fuck her again, so they went at it again. The guy was pretty happy by now so he runs on home, he ran so fast that the duck got away from him and ran out in front of a car and got hit. The duck was clearly dead, so the lady being in the hurry that she was, gave the young man $25 compensation for the dead duck, then she sped off in her car. When the two finally got home, the father once again called them into a room and said, "How much did you make," looking at his "good" son. The "good" son said $10, with a modest look on his face. Then the dad glared at his other son and said, "How about you?" The bad son said, "well... I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and $25 for a fucked up duck!"
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How Well Does Coldwater Clean?
A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a secluded, rural area of the USA. After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film-like substance on his plate and he questioned his grandfather... "are these plates clean?" His grandfather replied... "those plates are as clean as cold water can get them so go on and finish your meal." That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of this plate, and a substance that looked like dried egg yolks... so he asked again... "are you sure these plates are clean?" Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather says... "I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them, now don't ask me about it anymore I'm getting tired of all this questioning!" Later that afternoon, he decided to go into a nearby town to get some descent food to eat. As he was leaving, his Grandfather's dog lay across the doorway to the outside and it started to growl and would not let him pass... "Grandfather, your dog won't let me out. Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, Grandfather shouted, "COLDWATER, GET OUT OF THE WAY."
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Jovi Love
I met my wife when I was 22. We got married fairly young because she got pregnant. In march of 1985 we had a beautiful baby daughter that my wife wanted to name Love. She was the fruit of our mutual affection and I agreed.
Love grew up hating her name, which greatly upset me and her mother. She was bullied in school every day, something we would have given anything to be able to stop. One day Love came home from school and kissed me on the cheek, something she hadn't done since she was a kid. I heard my wife drive into the driveway and as I went to open the garage door for her I heard a loud bang behind me and I fell on the floor. My wife ran up to me, and as I bled on her arms the only thing I could say was:
Shot through the heart, and you're to blame, baby, you gave love, a bad name.
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