You Might Be A Redneck 39

You might be a redneck if...

• One of the options on your truck is a spitoon.
• The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
• You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
• You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
• You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
• Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."
• You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
• You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
• Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this."
• You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'

Answering Machine - Frere Jacques

Whole family crowds around, including screaming babies and noisy pets; to the tune of "Frere Jacques":  We're not here now, We're not here now, Don't hang up, Don't hang up, Leave your name and number, Leave your name and number, We'll call back, We'll call back.

How Many People Work...

One day a boy and his father were at the dining room table working on the boy's Social Studies homework, the chapter about government. The boy turns to his father and asks, "Dad, how many people work in the U.S. government?" The father replies without hesitating, "Oh, about ten percent."