Be Nice...

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Good News, Bad News, Worse News

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there
Worse: You're in them

Politician Phoning His Mother

The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened. When he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good news. "Ma," he shouted, "the results are in. I won the election!" "Honestly?" The politician's smiled faded. "Aw hell, ma, why bring that up at a time like this?"