One Upmanship

Two kids were having the standard argument about whose father could beat up whose father.  One boy said, "My father is better than your father."  The other kid said, "Well, my mother is better than your mother."  The first boy paused and then replied, "I guess you're right.  My father says the same thing."

Proud Father

Big Lorenzo, an Italian fella, is bragging to his friends about his sons: "I'ma so prouda my oldest son. He maka fifty thousand dollar evra year. Hesa Engineer!" "I even more prouda ma second son. He maka five hundred thousand dollar a year. Hesa Doctor!" "But, I'ma da proudest a ma youngest son. He maka Five million dollar a year. Hesa Sports Mechanic!" Paolo, his friend asks: "What's a Sports Mechanic?" Lorenzo replies: "Wella, he can fixa everytin. He fixa da horseraces, he fixa da boxin matcha..."

Brotherly Love

When I was a child I had a condition where I had to eat mud three times a day in order to survive.
I'm so lucky my older brother told me about it!