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Holiday Jokes - St. Patrick's Day Jokes
Irish Viagra
An old rish woman visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido. "What about trying Viagra," asked the doctor. "Not a chance," she said, "He won't even take an aspirin." "Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Give him an Irish Viagra." "What is Irish Viagra?" she asked. "It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and let's talk in a week." A week later the doctor called the woman to check on the results. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!" "Oh my, really? What happened?" asked the doctor.
"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a smile on his face, a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arms, he sent me biscuits, gravy, cups and saucers flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! T'was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"
"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?" "Freakin' jaysus, it was the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face at Bob Evans again."
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Leprechaun Lender
Q: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A: Because they're always a little short.
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Little Leprechaun
Little Patrick asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, so she said yes.
When he went to wipe his bum there was no toilet paper so he used his hands.
When he got back to class his teacher asked, "What do you have in your hand?"
Patrick said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away."
He was then sent to the principals office and the principal asked him, "What do you have in your hand?"
So little Patrick said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away."
He was sent home and his mom asked him "What do you have in your hand?"
So little Patrick said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away."
He was sent to his room and his dad came in and asked, "What do you have in your hand?"
So again little Patrick said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away."
Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, "Open your hands!"
And little Patrick opened his hands and said, "Look Dad you scared the shit out of him!"
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