No Ghost

People say my house is haunted, but I haven't seen a single ghost in the 900 years I've lived here.

Tap Tap Tap

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tap noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. "Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?" "Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

Knock, Knock, Knock

It's the day after Halloween and these kids are still knocking on my door.
When are they going to learn that they're not getting out of the basement?