Paddy's Roses

A romantic Irishman named Paddy picked up a dozen valentines day roses for his girlfriend. He made a surprise visit to her house and rang her bell. When she opened the door and saw Paddy with the roses she smiled and gave Paddy a big kiss. Then she pulled Paddy into her apartment, seductively got undressed, sat on the couch and spread her legs wide. She said, Paddy, this is for the roses. Paddy said, Don't be silly, you must have a vase somewhere.

Christmas Wrap

Q: Why does a cat take so long to wrap Christmas presents?
A: She won't stop until they're purr-fect.

Special Parrot

A man walked into a pet store looking for a new pet for his wife.  He asked the salesman for some assistance. The sales guy brought the man to a parrot in the back.  "Now this is the perfect pet for your wife. Chet is a very special animal", the salesman said.  "What makes him so special?", the man asked.  The salesman took a lighter from his pocket and held it under the Chet's right foot and Chet started to sing, "Jingle bells, jingle bells..", and then the salesman held the lighter under is left foot and Chet started to sing, "Deck the halls...".  So the man asked, "What happens if you hold the lighter between his feet?"  "Well I don't know", answered the salesman.  So he holds the lighter between the parrot's legs and instantly Chet began to sing.  "Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire..."