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Funny Thoughts
Blonde Blinker
A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes..."
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How Fast is it?
Jennifer a manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of 20 resumes she found four people who were equally qualified Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'
The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT'. It just pops into your head. There's no warning. 'That's very good!' replied Jennifer.
'And, now you sir?', she asked the second man. & 39;Hmmm ... let me see 'A blink'! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened ... A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.' 'Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliche for speed.'
She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply. & 39;Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'yes, turning on a light is the fastest thing I can think of.'
Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man. 'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said.
Turning to Louie, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question. Old Louie replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.' 'WHAT!?' said Jennifer, stunned by the response...
'Oh sure', said Louie. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit my pants.'
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The Minister's Joke
A preacher, who shall we say was "humor impaired," attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry. Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" - The crowd burst into laughter and delivered the rest of his talk, which went over quite well. The next week, the pastor decided he'd give this humor thing a try, and use that joke in his sermon. As he surely approached the pulpit that sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It suddenly seemed a bit foggy to him. Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!" The congregation inhaled half the air in the room. After standing there for almost 10 seconds in the stunned silence, trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she was!"
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