Jumping

A soldier comes home on leave and tells his wife about his parachute training. “It was terrible,” he says. “I was in the plane and ready to jump, when I froze. I couldn’t move. The Seargent came up behind me, got out this enormous dick of his and said he’d stick it up my ass if I didn’t jump.” “Oh my God,” says his wife. “So did you jump?” “Well, yes,” says the soldier. “A little bit – at first.”

Second to Third

Q: Why does it take longer to run from second base to third base than it takes to run from first to second?
A: Because you have a short stop between second and third.

Two People

Two people walk into a bar. The third one ducked.