Composition

Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving," little Timothy wrote, "I am thankful that I'm not a turkey."

Gay Whale

Q: In a pod of whales, how can you tell which one is gay?
A: He's the one that tips the boat and sucks up the "seamen!"

Jumping

A soldier comes home on leave and tells his wife about his parachute training. “It was terrible,” he says. “I was in the plane and ready to jump, when I froze. I couldn’t move. The Seargent came up behind me, got out this enormous dick of his and said he’d stick it up my ass if I didn’t jump.” “Oh my God,” says his wife. “So did you jump?” “Well, yes,” says the soldier. “A little bit – at first.”