More You Might Be A Redneck

You might be a redneck if...

• You have guns in your house that you cannot find.
• You think a night of fine dining is going to the Snack Bar at Wal-Mart while the automotive department is raising your truck another 8 inches.
• You think Wal-Mart is expensive.
• You've got more guns "On Display" than Wal-Mart Sporting Goods.
• You have ever written a check for less than a dollar.
• Your horse wears shoes, but you don't.
• It doesn't bother you when you walk through a barn barefooted.
• You name your twin boys Jack and Daniel.
• You ask your 10-year old son how to spell a word.
• Your dog is your alarm clock.

You're Next

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. "You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."

Stumbling and Mumbling

A drunk stumbles out of a bar one night and passes a woman walking her dog. The man stops her and asks, "Hey where'd ya get the pig?" The woman replies, "Listen you drunken bastard, that's a dog not a pig." The man then said, "Take it easy, I was talking to the dog"