Funny Thoughts

Stumbling and Mumbling

A drunk stumbles out of a bar one night and passes a woman walking her dog. The man stops her and asks, "Hey where'd ya get the pig?" The woman replies, "Listen you drunken bastard, that's a dog not a pig." The man then said, "Take it easy, I was talking to the dog"

Categories: Animal Jokes (Dog Jokes) , Appearance Jokes (Ugly Jokes) , Funny Thoughts , Insult Jokes (Fat Insult Jokes) , Insult Jokes (Ugly Insult Jokes) , Bar Jokes (Drunk Jokes) , Appearance Jokes (Fat Jokes)
Anonymous

Ugly Drop Off

You're so ugly, when yo mama dropped you off at school, she got a ticket for littering!

Categories: Insult Jokes (Ugly Insult Jokes) , Appearance Jokes (Ugly Jokes) , Funny Thoughts
Anonymous

Obama Time

Michelle Obama dies and goes to heaven, and she's in the waiting room to see Jesus.
There are clocks everywhere, not a single square inch of wall or ceiling doesn't have a timepiece. Some of them don't seem to be moving. St. Peter comes out and calls her name.
"I'm here" she says. "What's with all the clocks?".
St. Peter says "Everyone who has ever lived has a clock here. Every time they tell a lie, their clock moves forward by one minute. This is George Washington's clock. As you can see, it's one past midnight, so he only told one lie."
"Oh" Michelle said. "Where's my husband's clock?"
"That's in Jesus' office" St. Peter replies. "He uses that as a fan".

Categories: Funny Thoughts , Political Jokes (About Democrats) , Dark Humor Jokes (Death Jokes)
Anonymous
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