What Girls Really Mean

Can't we just be friends? (There is no way in hell I'm going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine.)
I just need some space. (... without you in it.)
Do I look fat in this dress? (We haven't had a fight in a while.)

I don't know, what do you want to do? (I can't believe you have nothing planned.)
I like you, but... (I don't like you.)

Of course I love you. (... just not in that way.)

You never listen. (You never listen.)
We're moving too quickly. (I'm not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy at the gym has a girlfriend.)
Oh, no, I'll pay for myself. (There's no way I'm letting you think this is a date.)

Oh yes! Right there! (Well, near there, I just want to get this over with.)

I'm just going out with the girls. (We're gonna get drunk and make fun of you and your friends.)

Some Whimsical Sayings

• Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
• There 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
• Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
• Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
• Every morning is the dawn of a new error...
• A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
• For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
• I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
• The beatings will continue until morale improves.
• I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
• Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
• Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
• Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
• There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
• I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
• Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
• A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
• I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
• Don't be so open-minded your brains will fall out.
• If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
• Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
• Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.
• If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
• If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
• If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
• It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
• Help Wanted: Telepathy. You know where to apply.
• Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either.
• Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
• Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
• Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
• Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.
• Dain bramaged.
• Department of Redundancy Department
• What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
• My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWLC:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN<-------- The information went data way -------->Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
• The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
• BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
• The name is Baud...... James Baud.
• Access denied--nah nah na na

Still Be Stupid

Insult: If you were any dumber, your head would implode.
Response: If you were a little bit more intelligent you'd still be stupid.