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Jokes about Families - Daughter Jokes
Highlander Taxi Ride
One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through the hills to Inverness. Suddenly out of the mist, a massive red-haired highlander steps into the middle of the road. The man is at least six feet four, has a huge red beard and, despite the wind, mist, and near freezing temperatures, is wearing only his kilt, a tweed shirt and a tam-o''-shanter at a rakish angle. At the roadside there also stands a young woman. She is absolutely beautiful -- slim, shapely, fair complexion, golden hair... heart stopping. The driver stops and stares, and his attention is only distracted from the lovely girl when the red thing opens the car door and drags him from his seat onto the road with a fist resembling a whole raw ham. ''Right, you Jimmy,'' he shouts, ''Ah want you to masturbate!'' ''But...'' stammers the driver. ''Du it now - or I'll bluddy kill yu!'' So the driver turns his back on the girl, drops his trousers and starts to masturbate. Thinking of the girl on the roadside, this doesn't take him long. ''Right!'' snarls the Highlander ''Du it agin, now!'' So the driver does it again. ''Right laddie, du it agin!'' demands the Highlander. This goes on for nearly two hours. The hapless driver gets cramps in both arms, he has rubbed himself raw, is violently aching, his sight is failing and despite the cold wind, he has collapsed in a sweating, jibbering heap on the ground, unable to stand. ''Du it again!'' says the Highlander. ''I can't do it any more - you'll just have to kill me!'' whimpers the man. The Highlander looks down at the pathetic soul slumped on the roadside and says, ''All right laddie. NOW, can you give ma daughter a lift to Inverness?''
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Teenage Zombie
Q: What did the teenage girl zombie say?
A: IDK
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The Vibrator
A 60 year old woman came home one day and heard strange noises in her bedroom. She opened the door and discovered her 40 year old daughter playing with her vibrator. "What are you doing?", asked the Mom. "Mom I am 40 years old and look at me. I am ugly. I will never get married so this is pretty much my husband." The mother walked out of the room, shaking her head. The next day the father came home and heard noises in the bedroom and upon entering the room found his daughter using the vibrator. "What the hell are you doing?", he asked. His daughter replied, "I already told Mom. I am 40 years old now and ugly. I will never get married so this is as close as I'll ever get to a husband." The father walked out of the room shaking his head too. The next day the Mother came home to find her husband with a beer in one hand, and the vibrator in the other hand, watching the football game. "For Christ's sake, what are you doing?" she cried. The husband replied, "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm having a beer and watching the game with my new son-in-law!"
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