Jokes about Families - Daughter Jokes

Sex Ed

My teenage daughter came home in a rage. "I just had sex education class in school today, Dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die!" I put down my paper and said, "Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."

Categories: Jokes about Families (Father Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Daughter Jokes) , Sex Jokes , School Jokes (High School Jokes)
Anonymous

Female Vampires

Q: What did the mother vampire say to her daughter when she picked up a tampon?
A: "Honey, no in-between meal snacks!"

Categories: Jokes about Families (Daughter Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Mother Jokes) , Gross Jokes , Disease / Afflictions Jokes (Menstruation / PMS Jokes) , Riddles
Anonymous

Highlander Taxi Ride

One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through the hills to Inverness. Suddenly out of the mist, a massive red-haired highlander steps into the middle of the road. The man is at least six feet four, has a huge red beard and, despite the wind, mist, and near freezing temperatures, is wearing only his kilt, a tweed shirt and a tam-o''-shanter at a rakish angle. At the roadside there also stands a young woman. She is absolutely beautiful -- slim, shapely, fair complexion, golden hair... heart stopping. The driver stops and stares, and his attention is only distracted from the lovely girl when the red thing opens the car door and drags him from his seat onto the road with a fist resembling a whole raw ham. ''Right, you Jimmy,'' he shouts, ''Ah want you to masturbate!'' ''But...'' stammers the driver. ''Du it now - or I'll bluddy kill yu!'' So the driver turns his back on the girl, drops his trousers and starts to masturbate. Thinking of the girl on the roadside, this doesn't take him long. ''Right!'' snarls the Highlander ''Du it agin, now!'' So the driver does it again. ''Right laddie, du it agin!'' demands the Highlander. This goes on for nearly two hours. The hapless driver gets cramps in both arms, he has rubbed himself raw, is violently aching, his sight is failing and despite the cold wind, he has collapsed in a sweating, jibbering heap on the ground, unable to stand. ''Du it again!'' says the Highlander. ''I can't do it any more - you'll just have to kill me!'' whimpers the man. The Highlander looks down at the pathetic soul slumped on the roadside and says, ''All right laddie. NOW, can you give ma daughter a lift to Inverness?''

Categories: Ethnic / Country Jokes (Scottish Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Daughter Jokes) , Sex Jokes (Masturbation Jokes) , Travel Jokes (Car Trip Jokes)
Anonymous
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