Ten Reasons It's great to Be An American

1. You can have a woman president without electing her
2. You can spell "colour" wrong and get away with it
3. You can call Budweiser beer
4. You can be a crook and still be president...in fact, if you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything
5. If you can breathe you can get a gun
6. You can invent a new public holiday every year
7. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems to care.
8. You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy"
9. You can think you're the greatest nation on earth.
10. You can get a pizza within minutes of ordering.

USA Time Behind England

Q: Why is the time in the USA behind that of England?
A: Because England was discovered before the USA!

Frenchman on Trial

A Frenchman was arrested and charged with having sex with a dead woman. "How do you plead?" asked the judge. "Guilty or not guilty." "Not guilty," replied the man. "On what grounds?" queried the judge. "I didn't think she was dead... I thought she was an American."