Share this joke via Email (Step 2)
Share this Joke on Twitter
Registered Users Only
Registered Users Only
Get link for other Social Networks
- Home
- Popular Jokes
- New Releases
- Joke of the Day
- Browse By Category
- Browse Writers
- Contests
- Submit Joke
- Contact Us
- Info
All rights reserved.
Ethnic / Country Jokes - American Jokes
Bill Of No Rights
Bill of No Rights by Lewis W. Napper:
We, the sensible of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden delusional, and other liberal, commie, pinko bedwetters. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole lot of people were confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights. You do not have the right to a new car, big-screen color TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything. You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be. You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all of your relatives independently wealthy. You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes. You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care. You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and kill you. You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure. You do not have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat. You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities in education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful. You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness -- which, by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those around you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
- 1
- 3
- 3
Three Types of Tea
An American cowboy was traveling in England and decided to stop at a tea shop for a drink. On the menu there were several different teas to choose from. When the waitress came to take his order, the cowboy asked, "Ma'am, what the hell do all these names mean?" The waitress calmly replied, "We have basically three types of tea, sir. The pea-cove tea is 90% substance and 10% aroma, the orange tea is 10% substance and 90% aroma, and the Blackberry tea is an acquired taste." The cowboy responded, "Where I come from, we have three types of tea too, Ma'am. There's s-h-i-T which is 90% substance and 10% aroma, there is f-a-r-T which is 10% substance and 90% aroma, and then there is c-u-n-T which is an acquired taste."
- 0
- 0
- 0
Heaven vs Hell
One night, God visits a preacher. The preacher has one question, "What is Heaven like?" God replies, "Heaven is like a city. It has the best of everything. For example, the French are the chefs, the Italians are the lovers, the English are the policeman, the Germans are the mechanics, and the Dutch are the politicians." "What is Hell like?" he asks. "Well," he sighs, "the French are the mechanics, the Italians are the politicians, the English are the chefs, the Germans are the policemen, and the Dutch are the lovers."
- 0
- 0
- 0
