USA Time Behind England

Q: Why is the time in the USA behind that of England?
A: Because England was discovered before the USA!

Frenchman on Trial

A Frenchman was arrested and charged with having sex with a dead woman. "How do you plead?" asked the judge. "Guilty or not guilty." "Not guilty," replied the man. "On what grounds?" queried the judge. "I didn't think she was dead... I thought she was an American."

Only In America

• A pizza can get to your house faster than an ambulance.
• There are handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
• Sick people must walk to the back of the drugstore to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes in the front.
• Banks leave both vault doors open, but pens are chained to the counters.
• Expensive cars sit in the driveways and useless junk fills garages.
• People use voice mail to screen calls and call waiting to catch every call they might miss.
• Drive-Up ATM machines feature Braille lettering.