Going to the Doctors

There was this guy who was sick so he went to the doctor. The doc ran some tests and sent him home with some medicine. The next day the doctor called and the wife answered. "I'm going to have to run a few more tests," the doctor said. "I'm going to need a semen, urine and a fecal sample." After she hung up, the husband asked, "What did the doctor say?" "Oh the doctor is going to need a pair of your underwear."

Diabetes Distress

My grandpa lost a foot to diabetes. Now he's 4' 3"

Beautiful

The teacher says, "Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today's word is 'beautiful.' Little Sally, would you please come up here and use 'beautiful' in a sentence?"
Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful woman in the world."
The teacher says, "Very good, Little Sally, you may sit. Little Frankie, your turn."
Little Frankie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, the sunrise this morning was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen."
The teacher says, "Very good, Little Frankie, you may sit. Little Johnny, it's your turn."
Little Johnny walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, last night my big sister told my dad that she was pregnant and he said, 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful.'"