Poor Bird

One day a brunette and a blonde lady were walking through the park. All of the sudden, the brunette stops and says "Aw, look at the poor dead bird." The blonde looks up and says "Where!?"

Career Day

Teacher asks the children to discuss what their Dad's do for a living. Little Mary says: "My Dad is a lawyer. He puts the bad guys in jail." Little Jack says: "My Dad is a doctor. He makes all the sick people better." All the kids in the class had their turn except  Little Johnny. Teacher says: "Johnny, what does your Dad do ?" Johnny says: "My Dad is dead." "I'm sorry to hear that, but what did he do before he died ?" "He turned blue and shit on the carpet."

Last Request

Q: What was the murderer's last request to the chaplain as he sat in the electric chair?
A: Will you hold my hand?