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Dark Humor Jokes
Costco Memorial
A woman and her friend are sitting together having lunch after one of the women's husband's funeral service. The friend asks the woman if her husband had any life insurance, and the widow answered her. "Well, he had $35,000 in life insurance, but it is all gone."
"All gone?", the friend asks, shocked.
"Yes", said the widow.
"I don't understand", says the friend. "How did you already go through $35,000?"
"Well, it is really not as bad as you think," said the widow. "I had to pay $8500 for his funeral and burial, $500 was donated to the church for the service, $1000 was what I spent on his suit, and $25,000 was for the memorial stone."
Puzzled, the friend looks at the widow and said, "That must have been a huge stone for $25,000!"
The widow answered, "Yeah, 3 carats! It was a great deal, I got it at Costco."
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Lincoln
Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, How was the play?
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Senior Sex
An old woman in a Nursing Home looks up one day to find an elderly man looking down on her. She smiled and asked him what he wanted. "To get straight to the point, I know we are old and can no longer pleasure in sexual activity, but I was wondering if you would help me." "Of course," she smiled. "I was wondering if we could take a wander down to the park and if your could hold my penis for a while." The old woman saw no harm in it, so she agreed. Since then they made it a regular occurrence, and every day the two elderly people sat on the park bench and she held his penis. One day, the woman went to the bench, but the man was not there. Feeling hurt, she looked around for him. To her amazement, she saw him and another woman- SHE was holding his penis! "What does SHE have that I don't?" She screeched. He looked up at her and smiled. "Parkinsons" he replied.
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