Trapped On A Rock

There was a man that was stranded, standing on nothing but a rock in the middle of the sea, waiting for someone to come. Then along comes a boat. The man on the boat asks  'do you want any help?' Man on the rock replies  'no, the Lord will save me' so then the man on the boat went away.  A helicopter then came and asked him 'do you want any help?' The man replied 'no the Lord will save me!' Then along comes another man on a boat and asks 'do you want any help?' and he said 'no, the Lord will save me'. By this stage he was up to his neck in water. He then drowned. He was at the holy gates and asked St. Peter 'why didn't the Lord save me????' St.Peter said' he sent you 2 boats and a helicopter, what more do you want!?'

Redneck Relations

You might be a redneck if you're related to everyone in your town.

Die Hard Fans

A Giants fan, a Padre fan, and a Dodger fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.
The Padre fan insists he's the most loyal. "This is for San Diego!" he yells and jumps off the side of the mountain.
Not to be outdone, the Giants fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells, "This is for San Francisco!" and pushes the Dodger fan off the mountain.