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The best jokes and joke writers!

Taco Bell Dogs

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman, and a Bulldog are in a bar having a drink, when a great looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me!"  So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough." The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough." Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."

Stumbling and Mumbling

A drunk stumbles out of a bar one night and passes a woman walking her dog. The man stops her and asks, "Hey where'd ya get the pig?" The woman replies, "Listen you drunken bastard, that's a dog not a pig." The man then said, "Take it easy, I was talking to the dog"

Apple iWatch Pro

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his new iWatch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No," he replies, "I work for Apple and I'm testing the new iWatch Pro." The intrigued woman says, "iWatch Pro? What's so special about it?" "It has new sensors and sends messages to me through my wrist" he explains. "What's it telling you now?" she asked. "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." he said. The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!" The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

Comeback Lines!

Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.

Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

Man: Your hair color is fabulous.
Woman: Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store.

Man: You look like a dream.
Woman: Go back to sleep.

Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: Yes, I want you to leave.

Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter. -OR- Stop.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

Man: What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
Woman: What's it like being the biggest liar in the world?

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Pirate Wheel

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on the front of his pants. The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel?" The pirate says, "Arrrr! It drives me nuts!"