Animal Jokes - Horse Jokes

You might be a redneck if...

• You have guns in your house that you cannot find.
• You think a night of fine dining is going to the Snack Bar at Wal-Mart while the automotive department is raising your truck another 8 inches.
• You think Wal-Mart is expensive.
• You've got more guns "On Display" than Wal-Mart Sporting Goods.
• You have ever written a check for less than a dollar.
• Your horse wears shoes, but you don't.
• It doesn't bother you when you walk through a barn barefooted.
• You name your twin boys Jack and Daniel.
• You ask your 10-year old son how to spell a word.
• Your dog is your alarm clock.

A guy is sitting at a bar and orders a drink. At the same time the TV goes on and there is Bill Clinton about to give a speech. The man yells, "There's a horses ass!" A guy gets up and punches him... And the man left.. Then when Hilary Clinton came on he said the same, "There's a horses ASS..." He then got punched again... So he says to the bartender, "What is this, a Clinton country?" The bartender says "no, Horse country."

At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300-foot red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President Bush strode to a warm but dignified handshake from Queen Elizabeth II. They rode in a silver 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they boarded an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent white horses. As they rode toward Buckingham Palace, each looking to their side and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets, all was going well. This was indeed a glorious display of pageantry and dignity. Suddenly the scene was shattered when the right rear horse let rip the most horrendous, earth-shattering, eye-smarting blast of flatulence, and the coach immediately filled with noxious fumes. Uncomfortable, but maintaining control, the two dignitaries did their best to ignore the whole incident, but then the Queen decided that was a ridiculous manner with which to handle a most embarrassing situation. She turned to Mr. Bush and explained, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I'm sure you understand that there are some things even a Queen cannot control." George W., ever the Texas gentleman, replied, "Your Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn't said something I would have assumed it was one of the horses."

Q: What kind of horse has six legs?

A: One that is being ridden!

There was once a wide mouth frog. She had babies and she didn't know what to feed them. She went to the cow, talking with her mouth real wide, she said, "COW, WHAT DO YOU FEED YOUR BABIES?" The Cow said, "I feed my babies milk." She went on to the horse. Talking with her mouth real wide, she said, "HORSE, WHAT DO YOU FEED YOUR BABIES?" "I feed my babies hay," said the horse. Finally she came to a snake. Talking with her mouth real wide, she said, "SNAKE, WHAT DO YOU FEED YOUR BABIES?" The snake said, "I feed my babies wide mouth frogs." So the frog said, with her mouth really small, "Oh, is that so."