Freaky Fast

Two teenagers are found smoking a joint in the middle of a park. They’re both arrested and taken to the town jail. The sergeant advises them they’re entitled to one phone call . About eight minutes later, a man enters the station. The sergeant says, “I assume you’re the kids’ lawyer.” “Heck, no,” replies the man. “I’m from Jimmy Johns”

Speeding

A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my shift is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go." The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!" 

A Blonde Is Speeding

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "SCARF!"