Holiday Nuts

Think I may be getting a vasectomy for Christmas. Just overheard my girlfriend tell her mom she was taking me to see the nutcracker.

Engineers - CE Vs. ME

Q: What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
A: Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

Hemorrhoid Bath

My oldest daughter went to the doctor because she had hemorrhoids. She came home and followed his orders. Later that day I asked her what that smell was and she said, "The doctor told me to take a sh*t bath." I said, "Girl it's a sitzs bath!"