Still Got It

An eighty-year-old man goes to a doctor for a check-up. The doctor tells him, “You’re in terrific shape. I think you might live forever. How old was your father when he died?” The eighty-year-old says, “Did I say he was dead?” The doctor is shocked. He asks, “Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?” The eighty-year-old responds again, “Did I say he was dead?” The doctor is astonished. He says, “You mean to tell me you are eighty years old and both your father and your grandfather are alive?” “Not only that,” says the old man, “my grandfather is 122 years old, and next week he is getting married for the first time.” The doctor says: “After 122 years of being a bachelor, why on earth does your grandfather want to get married?” The old man looks up at the doctor and says, “Did I say he wanted to?”

Billy-Bob and Billi-Jo

It is 10:00 at the police station and there is only 2 officers working that day... Billy-Bob and Billi-Jo.
Billy-Bob: Hey Billi-Jo... can i stick my finger in your belly-button?
Billi-Jo: Sure Billy-Bob!
Now its 11:00 at the police station...
Billy-Bob: Hey Billi-Jo... can i stick my finger in your belly-button?
Billi-Jo: Sure Billy-Bob!
Now its midnight... and the power goes out...!!
Billy-Bob: Hey Billi-Jo... can i stick my finger in your belly-button?
Billi-Jo: Sure Billy-Bob!... wait?! Billy-Bob thats not my belly-button.
Billy-Bob: I know... and thats not my finger!! 

Meeting Plato

In a classroom pupils were asked to always write in silence. One day the teacher dozed off and was awakened by some of the pupils making noise. To cover her embarrassment she said, "It was always my wish to meet the scholar Plato and, a while ago, I did see him in my dream." The next day a pupil dozed off while listening to the teacher's long lecture. Upon seeing the sleeping child, the teacher woke him up and rebuked him. "Why are you sleeping during the lecture?" The pupil answered, "I also went to see the scholar Plato." The teacher asked, "And what did Plato say?" to which the pupil replied, "Plato said he did not meet with you yesterday."