Depressed Proctologist

Q: Did you hear about the depressed proctologist?
A: He's been feeling down in the dumps.

Light Bulb - Computer Journalists

Q: How many computer journalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five-one to write a review of all the existing light bulbs so you can decide which one to buy, another one to write a remarkably similar one in another magazine the next month, a third to have a big one come out on glossy paper two months later that is by then completely out of date, a fourth to hint in his/her column that a completely new and updated bulb is coming out, and the fifth to report a rumor that that new bulb is shipping with a virus.

Stop Masturbating

A man went to see his doctor. "You need to stop masturbating," the doctor said. The man asked, "Why?" The doctor replied, "Because I''m trying to examine you!"