Politician and Screwdriver

Q: What's the difference between a politician and a screwdriver?
A: A screwdriver turns in screws, while politicians screw interns.

When to Negotiate

The banker fell overboard from a friend's sailboat. The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, "Can you float alone?" "Obviously," the banker replied, "but this is a heck of a time to talk business."

Undertaker Story

An undertaker comes home with a black eye. "What happened to you?"asks his wife."I had a terrible day," replies the undertaker. "I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When i got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection. Anyway, I find the room and sure enough, there's this big naked guy lying on the bed with this huge erection. So I did what I always do, I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half." "I see,"says his wife."But how did you get the black eye? "The undertaker replies,"Wrong room."