What a Health Plan!

Her Majesty the Queen was being shown around a hospital. As she was being given the guided tour by a senior consultant, they passed a room where a man was masturbating wildly through the window. Of course the Queen was not at all amused and demanded an explanation as to why these activities were allowed in the hospital.
"Ah," said the doctor, "Now, although it is perhaps unfortunate that you should have witnessed that, in fact, that poor patient is suffering from a very debilitating condition. He produces so much semen that unless he gets rid of it 4 times a day his testicles will explode."  "Oh," said Her Majesty. "Well, in that case I suppose it's understandable."  
Further down the corridor they passed another room. The door was open and you could see a nurse was clearly giving a patient oral sex. "Goodness Gracious!" shrieked Her Majesty, "I demand an explanation of this kind of sordid goings- on!"
"Ah," said the Doctor, "same problem - better health plan!"

Postal Scare

I scared the postman today by showing up to the door completely naked. I'm not sure what scared him more, the fact that I was naked or that I knew where he lived

Rex the Dog

A cowboy, his horse and dog are captured by hostile Indians. The dog's fate is somewhat tenuous but it's certain that the cowboy will be executed at sunrise. That evening the Indian chief tells the cowboy that he can have one last wish before meeting his ultimate fate in the morning. The cowboy asks to see his faithful dog, Rex. The cowboy strokes and pets his companion and whispers something into his ear. At once the dog bounds and runs through the Indian village and over the hill. At about 8 o'clock that evening the dog returns accompanied by some two dozen hookers from the closest town. The braves were delighted and as the orgy wore on through the night, the chief told the cowboy that his execution was being postponed as they were all too tired from partying. The next day, the chief said to the cowboy, "in gratitude for furnishing the ladies last night, I'm going to grant you another request before you're executed." Again the cowboy requests to see his faithful dog. The cowboy again strokes and pets his companion and whispers into his ear, "this may be my last chance Rex, so please get it right this time --- go to town and get the posse!"