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Word Play Jokes - Private Parts
What Size Fits?
A man strolls into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some condoms. She asks, ''What size please?'' ''Good question," he replies, " I'm not sure," ''Tell ya what. Right outside, there's a fence with three holes in it, stick your dick in the holes and tell me which one it fits in,'' suggests the lady. So he takes her advice, goes outside and puts his dick in the first hole. A woman walks past, see's his dick and starts feeling it. The man thinks, ''Hey, this ain't too bad.'' Then he puts his dick in the second hole, another woman walks by, and gives him a blow job. At this point, he is literally blown away. He quickly shoves his dick in the last hole, and yet another woman walks by, and she starts to shag him. After they are done rocking, he high-steps it back inside and goes to the counter. The assistant asks ''What size then?'' "Forget the condoms," says the man, "how much for the fence?"
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Wear Under a Kilt
A young lady asked the Scotsman what he wore under his kilt. "Reach up there and find out." She did, but quickly pulled her hand back out and said, "Oh, it's gruesome!" "Aye, it has," replied the Scotsman, "and if you put your hand backup there, it'll grow some more!"
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Military Measurement Payments
The pentagon said they had too many generals running around, so they decided to get rid of some of them. They offered $10,000 in severance pay for each inch of their body -- to be measured however they chose. The Air Force general went first. He said he wanted to be measured from his head to his toe. He was 69 inches. He received $690,000. Next up was the Army general. He wanted to be measured from the tip of his finger to the tip of his other finger. It was 80 inches. He received $800,000. The two generals were very happy with their earnings. Finally the Marine general came up. He said he wanted to be measured from the tip of his dick to the tip of his balls. The man said, ''Sir, do you know how much the other generals received?'' The general said no. ''Sir, they received $690,000 and $800,000 respectively, are you sure that is what you want measured?'' The general said, ''Just do it!'' The man dropped the general's pants and measured his dick. When he went for the general's balls, they weren't there. The man said, ''Sir, where are your balls.'' The general said, ''I left them back in Vietnam.''
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