Collection of Insults

• For two cents, I`d give you a piece of my mind -- and all of yours.
• You are the only person I've ever met whose mind is filthy and sterile at the same time!
• You have no trouble making ends meet. Your foot is always in your mouth!
• I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office.
• I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes!
• You must be the arithmetic man -- you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.
• Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was. You started at the bottom -- and it's been downhill ever since.
• You are so boring that you can't even entertain a doubt.
• I don't mind that you are talking so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening.
• I heard that you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork.
• I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck, now I have a much lower opinion of you.

End In Sight

Q: Why are proctologists so gloomy?
A: They always have the end in sight.

Joke for the DJ

A guy calls into a radio station and he says he has a joke for the DJ. The DJ goes, "Alright, let's hear it." The guy goes, "What has a 2 inch penis and hangs down?" The DJ says, "I dunno, what?" The guy says, "A bat. What has a 12 inch penis and hangs up?" The DJ replies, "I dunno, what?" Next thing the DJ hears is a dial tone.