Blondes to Disneyland

Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left." So they went home.

Garage Trouble

Jeff snoozed through his morning wake-up alarm and had scrambled to get dressed, drop the kids off and get to work.  He rushed into the office and as he was passing by the receptionist she said, "You left the garage open."  At first he thought maybe his neighbor had called but then realized that she was trying to tell him nicely that his zipper was open.  He went back to see her and asked, "Did you notice the Porsche in the garage?" She replied, "No, all I saw was a mini-van with flat tires."

Custer's Last Thoughts

The curator of an art gallery asked an artist for a painting depicting General Custer's last thoughts. Two weeks later, the artist unveiled the painting, an enormous canvas with a lovely blue lake painted in its center, with a fish leaping from the water with a shining halo around its head. On the shores of the lake were the most detailed pictures of Indians fornicating. After gazing at the painting for some time, the enraged curator demanded to know what the theme was supposed to be. The artist said, "You asked for a painting of Custer's last thoughts," he explained. "That's it. Custer was thinking, 'Holy mackerel, where did all those fucking Indians come from?'"