Anything You Want

There was a guy sitting at a bar having a beer. Up walks a so called "lady of the night". She says, "For $300.00, I'll do anything you want." Our fine lad thinks for a moment then says: "Ok. Paint my house, bitch!"

Librarian and Lawyer

Q: What do you get when you cross a librarian with a lawyer?
A: All the information you need, but you can’t understand a word of it.

Church Hospitality

This priest was driving to his church when he saw two people bending over in the grass. He decided to see why. He walked over to them and asked what they were doing. The man said they were homeless and grass was the only thing they could eat. The priest said, ''You can eat over at the church.'' The woman said, ''We have nine children -- will there be enough?'' ''Oh yes, '' the priest replied, ''the grass is 2 1/2 inches taller over there.''