Active Senior

As I have become a little older  a few changes have come into my life. Frankly, I have become quite a frivolous old gal. I am seeing five gentlemen every day. When I wake up, Will Power helps me get out of bed. When I get out of bed I immediately go to see John. Soon after that Charlie horse comes along, and he really takes a lot of my time and attention. When he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up and stays for the rest of the day. However, he doesn't like to stay in one place very long, so he just takes me from joint to joint.  Finally after such a busy tiring day, I'm really glad to be able to go to bed with Ben Gay. What a life!!
P.S. The preacher came by the other day. He said at my age, I should be thinking about the hereafter. I told him, 'Oh I do all the time. No matter where I am, in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen or down in the basement, I ask myself... "What am I here after?"

Hello Water

Q: What did the water say to the boat?
A: Nothing, it just waved.

Wordsmithing

A new mortuary in a tough mill town decided to advertise in an unorthodox fashion and so draped a banner on the front of their building that read, "Our Staff will stuff your Stiff." 
Not to be outdone, the madame across the street had her girls respond with a banner too saying,"Our Stuff will stiff your Staff."