Kind of Awkward

A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to fix some drinks. As he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says, "What's this?" She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there." He turns beat red in horror and goes, "Oh, well, er...I..." She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."

A Joke Like Sex

A joke is like sex. Neither is any good if you don't get it.

Two Coins

Q: Two coins add up to 30 cents, and one is not a nickel. What are they?
A: A quarter and a nickel. The quarter isn't a nickel.