The Painter

Q: What did the painter say to the wall?
A: "One more crack and I'll plaster you!"

Daffynitions!

• Arbitrator \ar'-bi-tray-ter\: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.
• Avoidable \uh-voy'-duh-buhl\: What a Italian bullfighter tries to do.
• Baloney \buh-lo'-nee\: Where some hemlines fall.
• Bernadette \burn'-a-det\: The act of torching a mortgage.
• Burglarize \bur'-gler-ize\: What a crook sees with.
• Counterfeiters \kown-ter-fit-ers\: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
• Eclipse \e-klips'\: What an English barber does for a living.
• Eyedropper \i'-drop-ur\: A clumsy ophthalmologist.
• Heroes \hee'-rhos\: What a guy in a boat does.
• Left Bank \left' bangk'\: What the robber did when his bag was full of loot.
• Misty \mis'-tee\: How golfers create divots.
• Paradox \par'-uh-doks\: Two physicians.
• Parasites \par'-uh-sites\: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
• Pharmacist \farm'-uh-sist\: A helper on the farm.
• Polarize \po'-lur-ize\: What penguins see with.

Super Market Checkout

A woman went to a discount store to purchase several items. When she finally got to the checker, she learned one of her items had no price. She thought she'd die of embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "Price check on lane thirteen. Tampax. Supersize." As if that wasn't bad enough, the person looking for the price misunderstood the word "Tampax" for thumbtacks. In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom, "Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?"