500 Girlfriends

Q: What do you call a villager with 500 girlfriends?
A: A shepherd.

Failed Telephone Calls

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady. He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.
4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.

Five Minutes To Midnight

A cop drives up to lovers lane and sees a car there. So he walks up to the car, and there's a girl in the back seat knitting and a boy in the front seat reading a book. The cop asks the boy how old he is and what he's doing. The boy answers, "I'm reading a book and I'm 20." Then the cop asks what the girl's doing and how old she is. The boy replies, "She's knitting and she'll be 18 in about five minutes."