Pep Talk

Remember half of the people in the world are below average.

Lost All of My Luggage

McAteer arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered about the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick."No," replied McAteer. "I've lost all me luggage!" "How'd that happen?" "The cork fell out," said the Irishman.

Got Nuts

A girl walks into a grocery store and asks the stock boy if he has any nuts. The guy says, "No, ma'am." She says, "That's alright... do you have any dates?" He replies, "Ma'am, if I don't have nuts, do you really expect me to have dates?"