Two Blondes Were Facing Each Other

Two blondes were facing each other with a lake between them. The first blonde wants to get to the other side so she yells to the other blonde, "Hey! I want to get to the other side of the lake but I can't swim. Please tell me how you did this! "The second blonde then says, "But you ARE on the other side!"

Costume Party

A self-conscious bald man with a peg leg is invited to a costume party. The shop owner at the costume shop shows him a lifeguard costume. The man says, "No, no. I can't wear that. It will show off my peg leg." Next, the shop owner brings out a monk costume. The man says, "No, no. I can't wear that. It will show off my bald head." The annoyed shop owner returns with a five-pound bag of caramels and says, "Take these home, melt them, pour them all on your head, stick that peg leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple."

College Troubles When...

You know you're in trouble when...
1. The McDonald's people know you by name from late night study breaks.
2. You have spent more time figuring out that you only need a 54% to pass the final than you have actually spent studying.
3. The college drunk confronts you and says: "Don't you think you should get to work now?"
4. Your study schedule is based on the rationale that you "might" actually die before the test!
5. Your parents inquire about your grades and you sing the Cookie Monster song: "C is for cookie, that's good enough for me..."
6. Mom calls to ask how you've been, and you immediately scream, "Get off my back, b*#%h!"