Signs You Are A Loser

1. Your dog rather rub up against the wall than have you pet it.
2. All the numbers in your little black book start with "1-900."
3. Due to excessive hazing and ridicule, you decided to drop out of the Origami Club.
4. You were almost involved in a threesome, but your left hand fell asleep.
5. Fantasizing out loud before falling asleep is your idea of "pillow talk."
6. Your personal ad reads: "Seeking Anybody."
7. Next to your name in the phone directory, the phone number is replaced with the phrase "Who cares?"
8. You look forward to the dinner time calls from telemarketers.
9. The last time you were invited to a party, you were grooving to the lyric, "Put your right foot in, take your right foot out."
10. You spent last summer following around the 2000 Bible Belt Trekkie Convention Tour.

10 Reasons To Date A Hockey Player

1. They always wear protection
2. They have great hands
3. They are used to scoring
4. They have great stamina
5. They find the opening and get it in
6. They never miss the target
7. They know how to use their wood
8. They have long sticks
9. They know when to play rough
10. Because baseball players only know how to hit balls.

Taking Dweebonics Classes

TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR KID IS TAKING DWEEBONICS CLASSES
10. They tilt their head sideways to smile.
9. When you ground them, they say, "Your UI could really use some work."
8. They say, "My dad can beat your dad at Quake."
7. Instead of laughing, they say, "LOL."
6. They insult kids by saying, "And you've got limited bandwidth!"
5. They change the answering machine message to "BRB, leave your URL, and we'll TTYL."
4. This is how they ask someone out on a date: "Umm, uh, well...see ya!"
3. Calling from camp, your homesick child says, "I'm roaming outside my service area!"
2. When you ask if they've finished their book report, they say, "It's in beta, but it'll ship in time."
1. You're telling them something they don't want to hear. They're saying, "NAK, NAK, NAK" the whole time.