Taking Dweebonics Classes

TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR KID IS TAKING DWEEBONICS CLASSES
10. They tilt their head sideways to smile.
9. When you ground them, they say, "Your UI could really use some work."
8. They say, "My dad can beat your dad at Quake."
7. Instead of laughing, they say, "LOL."
6. They insult kids by saying, "And you've got limited bandwidth!"
5. They change the answering machine message to "BRB, leave your URL, and we'll TTYL."
4. This is how they ask someone out on a date: "Umm, uh, well...see ya!"
3. Calling from camp, your homesick child says, "I'm roaming outside my service area!"
2. When you ask if they've finished their book report, they say, "It's in beta, but it'll ship in time."
1. You're telling them something they don't want to hear. They're saying, "NAK, NAK, NAK" the whole time.

Top Ten Least Popular Stephen King Novels

10. "The Man Who Died of Old Age"
9. "How Cujo Got His Groove Back"
8. "Here's Another One I Cranked Out In An Afternoon"
7. "Vacuum-Starter"
6. "The Scary Windowless Corridor Next To The Oval Office"
5. "The Guy Who Accidentally Put Expired Milk In His Coffee --He Didn't Drink It, But What If He Had?"
4. "The Scariest Part of This Book Is My Picture On The Back Cover"
3. "Inside the Kitchen At Your Local T.G.I. Friday's"
2. "Hi I'm Your New Neighbor, Richard Simmons"
1. "Satan's Independent Prosecutor"

New Year's Resolutions

Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year and yet you never keep them? Here are some resolutions that you can actually accomplish! Enjoy!
10. Read less.
9. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds.
8. Stop exercising. Waste of time.
7. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
6. Procrastinate more.
5. Drink. Drink some more.
4. Start being superstitious.
3. Spend more time at work.
2. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
and last but not least...1. Take up a new habit: maybe smoking!