The Cowboy Excuses

Top Dallas Cowboy Excuses (for losing 1995 NFC Championship)
From David Letterman - Tuesday, January 17, 1995 

1. Afraid to play in Super Bowl against anyone but the Bills.
2. Distracted by delicious smell of barbecue coming from John Madden's announce booth.
3. Trying to make one of Marv Albert's blooper reels.
4. Our friends on New York Jets convinced us: "Winning's no big deal."
5. Worried sick about Letterman botching the Academy Awards.
6. Those big guys on other team kept trying to knock us down.
7. Who needs all the pressure of a Super Bowl? Not us, Lonnie!
8. What a time to notice, them cheerleader outfits is skimpy!
9. Tired of going to Disneyland. 

Wrong Bank

Letterman's Top Ten Signs You're Doing Business With The Wrong Bank
10. When you make a deposit, tellers high-five each other.
9. After you get a free toaster, bank president shows up at your house begging for toast.
8. Your monthly statements are handwritten, in crayon.
7. When you want to make a withdrawal, clerks suddenly don't speak English.
6. You notice Kato Kaelin is sleeping in the vault.
5. Your safety deposit box is a Dunkin' Donuts carton wrapped in tin foil.
4. All cash deposits go directly into teller's pants.
3. Lobby is waist-deep in Mexican pesos.
2. Toll-free customer service line is: 1-800-GET-HOSED.
1. Four words: Bank President Rosa Lopez

Tops Reasons It's Great to be Canadian

It beats being an American.
Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
You can play hockey 12 months a year, outdoors.
Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?
A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity ratings will rise.
Kill Grizzly bears with huge shotguns and cover your house in their skins.
Own-an-eskimo scheme.