Tops Reasons It's Great to be Canadian

It beats being an American.
Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
You can play hockey 12 months a year, outdoors.
Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?
A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity ratings will rise.
Kill Grizzly bears with huge shotguns and cover your house in their skins.
Own-an-eskimo scheme.

Top 10 Reasons For Santa's Raise

10. The hours, the weather, the trend toward smaller chimneys.

9. Nike won't give him a lucrative side-contract.

8. Reindeer and elves have unionized, driving up his cost.

7. New tax on flying sleighs.

6. Insurance for flying a sleigh has tripled over the past two years.

5. Needs extra cash to cover off-season gambling losses.

4. Air traffic controllers demanding higher kickbacks.

3. Cost of living increase at the North Pole.

2. Children don't leave as many cookies as they used to.

1. The Mrs. told him to.

Ten Ways To Insult The Elderly

1. You tell them that you went to the museum, saw dinosaur bones, and thought of them.
2.  For their birthday, you offer to help them blow out the candles.
3. On their birthday, you tell the fire department that if they see a large fire, don't water it down, because soggy cake is no good.
4.  Explain to them that the reason that no one can see the Christmas tree is because you put on every ornament that they got in their life.
5. Ask them if they got Columbus' autograph.
6. Tell them that the reason that they got no birthday gifts was that everyone had to pitch in to buy the candles.
7. Ask them if the Disney hit Hercules is telling the truth.
8. Ask them in what order God REALLY made the Earth.
9. Ask them if they helped God write the Bible.
10. Ask them if they personally knew Adam and Eve.