Wrong Bank

Letterman's Top Ten Signs You're Doing Business With The Wrong Bank
10. When you make a deposit, tellers high-five each other.
9. After you get a free toaster, bank president shows up at your house begging for toast.
8. Your monthly statements are handwritten, in crayon.
7. When you want to make a withdrawal, clerks suddenly don't speak English.
6. You notice Kato Kaelin is sleeping in the vault.
5. Your safety deposit box is a Dunkin' Donuts carton wrapped in tin foil.
4. All cash deposits go directly into teller's pants.
3. Lobby is waist-deep in Mexican pesos.
2. Toll-free customer service line is: 1-800-GET-HOSED.
1. Four words: Bank President Rosa Lopez

Top 10 Reasons For Santa's Raise

10. The hours, the weather, the trend toward smaller chimneys.

9. Nike won't give him a lucrative side-contract.

8. Reindeer and elves have unionized, driving up his cost.

7. New tax on flying sleighs.

6. Insurance for flying a sleigh has tripled over the past two years.

5. Needs extra cash to cover off-season gambling losses.

4. Air traffic controllers demanding higher kickbacks.

3. Cost of living increase at the North Pole.

2. Children don't leave as many cookies as they used to.

1. The Mrs. told him to.

Ten Ways To Insult The Elderly

1. You tell them that you went to the museum, saw dinosaur bones, and thought of them.
2.  For their birthday, you offer to help them blow out the candles.
3. On their birthday, you tell the fire department that if they see a large fire, don't water it down, because soggy cake is no good.
4.  Explain to them that the reason that no one can see the Christmas tree is because you put on every ornament that they got in their life.
5. Ask them if they got Columbus' autograph.
6. Tell them that the reason that they got no birthday gifts was that everyone had to pitch in to buy the candles.
7. Ask them if the Disney hit Hercules is telling the truth.
8. Ask them in what order God REALLY made the Earth.
9. Ask them if they helped God write the Bible.
10. Ask them if they personally knew Adam and Eve.