Top 10 Reasons To Live In Quebec

1. Everybody assumes you're an asshole
2. Racism is socially acceptable
3. The only province to ever kidnap federal politicians
4. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbor will move out next
5. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada
6. The FLQ
7. Your hockey team is made up entirely of dirty French guys
8. The province with the oldest, nastiest hookers
9. NON-smokers are the outcasts
10. You can blame all your problems on the ''Anglo bastards''

Top 10 Christmas Jokes

10. Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast? A: Snowflakes!

9. Q: Why does Santa have three gardens? A: So he can ho-ho-ho!

8. Q: Where do snowmen go to dance? A: Snowballs!

7. Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed? A: He had low ELF esteem!

6. Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a shark? A: Frostbite!

5. Q: Where do you find reindeer? A: It depends on where you leave them!

4. Q: What do snowmen eat for lunch? A: Icebergers!

3. Q: What do reindeer have that no other animals have? A: Baby reindeer!

2. Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? A: Claustrophobic!

1. Q: How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed? A: You wake up wet!

Top Ten Indicators that a Redneck Has Been Working on Your Computer

10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM slots have truck parts installed in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is "Huntin".
4. The CPU has a gun rack mount.
3. There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.
1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".