U.S. State Jokes - Minnesota Jokes
A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail. Meanwhile... somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
Tornado in Minneapolis
Q: Where do you go in Minneapolis in case of a tornado?
A: To the Metrodome - there's never a touchdown!
Q: Which state has the smallest drinks?
Temperatures and What They Mean
Temperatures and What They Mean
40 Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming.
35 Italian cars don't start.
32 Water freezes.
30 You can see your breath. Politicians begin to worry about the Homeless.
25 Boston water freezes. Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you.
20 Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream. You can hear your breath.
15 N.Y. City water freezes. Politicians begin to talk aobut the homeless.
12 You plan a vacation to Mexico.
10 Too cold to snow
5 You need jumper cables to get the car going. Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.
3 You plan a vacation in Houston.
0 Too cold to skate. American cars don't start.
-5 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo.
-10 Too cold to think. Politicians actually do something about the homeless.
-15 Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you. You need jumper cables to get the driver going.
-20 You plan a 2-week hot bath.
-25 The mighty Monongahela freezes. Japanese cars don't start.
-30 Californians disappear, Minnesotans button top button... Below
-30 The kids call home from college. End of the world...
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence." "Done!" replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.