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U.S. State Jokes - Minnesota Jokes
Broken Fence
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence." "Done!" replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.
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Temperatures and What They Mean
Temperatures and What They Mean
40 Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming.
35 Italian cars don't start.
32 Water freezes.
30 You can see your breath. Politicians begin to worry about the Homeless.
25 Boston water freezes. Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you.
20 Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream. You can hear your breath.
15 N.Y. City water freezes. Politicians begin to talk aobut the homeless.
12 You plan a vacation to Mexico.
10 Too cold to snow
5 You need jumper cables to get the car going. Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.
3 You plan a vacation in Houston.
0 Too cold to skate. American cars don't start.
-5 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo.
-10 Too cold to think. Politicians actually do something about the homeless.
-15 Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you. You need jumper cables to get the driver going.
-20 You plan a 2-week hot bath.
-25 The mighty Monongahela freezes. Japanese cars don't start.
-30 Californians disappear, Minnesotans button top button... Below
-30 The kids call home from college. End of the world...
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Small Pepsi
Q: In what state can you find small Pepsi's?
A: Mini-soda (Minnesota).
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