Greg Norman's Lovers

Q: Why do women like making love to Greg Norman, the Australian golfer?
A: Because he always finishes second!

Golf and Buttercups

A man was playing a game of golf. On hole 16, he hit the ball right into a field of buttercups. As honest a golfer as he normally was, he picked up the ball and laid it next to the flowerbed to avoid destroying the beautiful buttercups. A fairy came down and said "thank you for not disturbing my buttercups. For that, I shall make sure that you always have a full supply of butter." "Thank you," the golfer replied, "but where were you last week when I hit the ball into the pussywillows?"

Eternal Optimist

Three friends had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad situation he would always say ''It could have been worse.'' His friends hated that quality about him, so they came up with a story so horrible that not even Joe could come up with a bright side.
So the next day, only two of his friends showed up for a golf date. Joe asked, ''Where's Gary?'' And one of his friends said, ''Didn't you hear? Yesterday, Gary found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself.'' Joe says,''Well it could have been worse.'' Both his friends said, ''How in hell could it be worse? Your best friend just killed himself!'' Joe says, ''If it had happened two days ago, I'd be dead now!''