Golfing Definitions

Amateur golfer:  Someone who addresses the ball twice: once before swinging and once again after swinging.
Oxymoron: An easy par three.
A Hack: when your divot flies further than your ball.
Bad Golfer: Someone who can take strokes off his game only with an eraser.
Duffer: The only guy in the world who has an unplayable lie when he tees up.
Mexican Hat Dance: Lots of spike marks around the hole.
In Jail: Deep in the trees with no shot out.
Worm Burner: a shot going a long way on the ground.

Greg Norman's Lovers

Q: Why do women like making love to Greg Norman, the Australian golfer?
A: Because he always finishes second!

Brand New

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. He finally gets himself to the doctor. He says, "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancee is still a virgin." The doc said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided splint, held together with surgical wire. It was an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girlfriend. They marry and on their honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he ever saw them. She says, "You are the first, no one has ever touched these breasts. "He pulls down his pants, whips out his splinted cock and says, "Look at this beauty, it's still in the CRATE!"