I Was Golfing

Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?"
Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife to husband: "What? At 2 a.m.?!"
Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."

Top 10 - Soccer vs. Sex

10. Balls are always checked for firmness
9. Periods only last 45 minutes
8. Parents cheer when you score
7. Soccer is a legal profession
6. Protective equipment can be washed and reused
5. Size doesn't matter
4. If you get too rough you get a red card
3. You can score using your head or your feet
2. Lasts a full 90 minutes
1. You can juggle your balls in front of your mother

Jets Dog

A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender says, "No pets allowed." The man replies, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Jets game and you'll see. Whenever the Jets score, my dog does flips." The Jets keep scoring field goals, and the dog keeps flipping and jumping. "Wow! What happens when the Jets score a touchdown?" The man replies, "I don't know. I've only had him for 7 years."