Top 10 - Soccer vs. Sex

10. Balls are always checked for firmness
9. Periods only last 45 minutes
8. Parents cheer when you score
7. Soccer is a legal profession
6. Protective equipment can be washed and reused
5. Size doesn't matter
4. If you get too rough you get a red card
3. You can score using your head or your feet
2. Lasts a full 90 minutes
1. You can juggle your balls in front of your mother

Jets Dog

A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender says, "No pets allowed." The man replies, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Jets game and you'll see. Whenever the Jets score, my dog does flips." The Jets keep scoring field goals, and the dog keeps flipping and jumping. "Wow! What happens when the Jets score a touchdown?" The man replies, "I don't know. I've only had him for 7 years."

Proud Father

Big Lorenzo, an Italian fella, is bragging to his friends about his sons: "I'ma so prouda my oldest son. He maka fifty thousand dollar evra year. Hesa Engineer!" "I even more prouda ma second son. He maka five hundred thousand dollar a year. Hesa Doctor!" "But, I'ma da proudest a ma youngest son. He maka Five million dollar a year. Hesa Sports Mechanic!" Paolo, his friend asks: "What's a Sports Mechanic?" Lorenzo replies: "Wella, he can fixa everytin. He fixa da horseraces, he fixa da boxin matcha..."