Teed Off

Verne was teeing off from the men's tee. On his downswing, he realized that his wife, Joy, was teeing up on the woman's tee directly in front of him. Unable to stop his swing, he nailed it, and hit her directly in the temple, killing her instantly.
A few days later, Verne got a call from the coroner regarding her autopsy.
Coroner: "Verne, your wife seemed to have died from blunt force-trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and hit her in the temple, is that correct?"
Verne: "That's correct."
Coroner: "Well, inexplicably I found a golf ball wedged in her ass."
Verne: "Was it a Titleist 3?"
Coroner: "Yes, it was."
Verne: "That was my mulligan." 

Fifty Shades of Golf

Four guys have been going on the same golfing trip to St Andrews for many years..
Two days before the group is to leave, John's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.  John's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later, the three get to St Andrews only to find John sitting at the bar with four drinks set up! "Wow, John, how long you been here, and how did you talk your Missus into letting you go?" "Well, I've been here since last night... Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and asked, 'Guess who?'  I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a nightie. She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom. She's been reading '50 Shades of Grey' and the room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.  Then she said, "Do whatever you want. So, here I am!"

Muscle Contraction

Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to the first year medical students.  This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood.  He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked,  "Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
She replied, "Probably golfing with his buddies."
It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.