Three Bragging Women in a Bar

Three women were sitting at a bar having a few drinks. After a while the conversation started turning a little rude and crass. Soon the women were getting louder and they were arguing about how wide their snatches were. (This happens all the time.) The first woman got up on the bar, lifted her leg, grabbed a baseball bat and slid it home. All the people in the bar were watching, hooting and hollering, throwing money. Five minutes later the second woman got up, lifted her leg, grabbed a bowling ball and slid it in. People were going ballistic. Finally the third women very casually got up on the bar and asked for a quarter. She slid it in..... and the jukebox starts playing.

Man In Supermarket

Man walks into a supermarket and buys: 1 bar of soap, 1 toothbrush, 1 tube toothpaste, 1 loaf of bread, 1 pint of milk, 1 single serving cereal, 1 single serving frozen dinner. The girl at the checkout looks at him and says "Single are you?" The man replies very sarcastically
"How did you guess?" She replies
"Because you're ugly."

Husband and Dog

Q: What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A: After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.